.Source: Jess Constable (of Makeunder My Life and Jess LC)
Doesn’t it feel just so so good to lay it all out on the table? All of those fears, insecurities and all of the dirty laundry you hesitate to speak aloud? Being open about your negative thoughts can be exceptionally liberating, especially when among friends whom you can trust not to judge (too harshly, at least) and who you know will still love you even after learning about “the yucky stuff.” It’s getting rid of that heavy weight you’ve been carrying around on your shoulders and it’s about asking for forgiveness. It’s about saying it all and then finding out that it wasn’t so hard after all – In fact, finally saying it out loud feels pretty darn fabulous!
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Well, spurred on by the series “Things I’m Afraid To Tell You” (first seen by Jess of Make Under My Life and then later by Caitlin of Reverie to Reality), I’ve decided to share some of my own deep, dark thoughts. Some might be surprising, some might seem fairly meaningless, but these are my own personal things that I’m afraid to tell you…
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1. I graduated from a great school with a great degree in studio art and art history – That was four years ago and I have yet to do anything specific with my degree. They were pretty upfront with us while in school that getting a job relating to the arts was going to be hard, that is, if you weren’t willing to pursue a Master’s degree first. Although I consistently get a handful of commissions for custom drawings a year (usually around the holidays), it’s not nearly enough to live on. Sometimes this fact makes me feel like a failure, a flop, a disappointment to my peers, my professors and my parents.
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(Photo by Katie Stoops)
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2. Sometimes I choose working on blog projects over spending quality time with my new husband. Keeping up a blog based on do-it-yourself projects and the real time renovation of our home is a big commitment. I LOVE it, but it’s not easy to manage a full-time day job, blog projects, general blog maintenance and the relationships in my life. It’s a fine balance, one that I am constantly trying to perfect to make sure my priorities are in check. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I feel like I’m always letting SOMEONE down.
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3. I vacillate between wanting to pursue blogging full-time for what seems like little money, and wanting to pursue a full-time office career that pays the bills (and then some) without satisfying my passions. A year ago, I made the leap from office work to a creative day job working at a newspaper (all while keeping up with DreamGreenDIY in my spare time). I am significantly happier working in a creative environment as opposed to the mundane life of filing and forms, but my new creative day job just barely pays the bills. And I would still rather focus entirely on DG-DIY full-time. It’s a question of being happy and poor or being miserable and well-off. It’s a daily struggle…
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4. I worry that DG-DIY will never even make money to give me the opportunity to do it full-time.
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5. There are days that I care more about “the numbers” of DreamGreenDIY (i.e. reader stats and features) than the meat and bones of the blog. Growing a blog takes time. I know that. I have also come to learn that being successful means that you need to focus on CONTENT first and foremost – Not stats. But it’s hard not to refresh my site stats page over and over and over again in the hopes that my hits will creep up over a thousand more than twice in my year and a quarter of managing DG-DIY. I need to learn to let go and I need to learn to refocus.
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6. I love eating more than the idea of being toned and in-shape, even though I could really stand to lose at least 10 pounds. The only thing I use is a latex waist trainer for weight loss. Sometimes I think this one isn’t such a negative thing. I know so many girls who focus their entire lives on losing or maintaining a thin physique. To me, I feel like it can become an unhealthy obsession that I don’t want to deal with. I love my life and consider myself a pretty positive person – Sure, I’ve gained ten pounds in the last four years, but I think there are more important things in life to stress over. While, for the most part, I commend myself on this attitude, I also know that eating better should be at least a minute priority. But all too often, a delicious bowl of chicken carbonara can make me forget all about dieting. And don’t even get me started on exercising…
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Oh boy. That was hard. Not to come up with things to tell you, but to simply say them out loud. I’m sure there is a lot more that I haven’t even admitted to myself yet, but it’s a good start…I hope that you all can forgive and accept me for my flaws.
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Speaking of the aforementioned flaws, this gets me thinking beyond just today and this momentous step in confessing to the world. Not only am I going to make it my #1 priority to work on and progress past all of that negativity, but I think this series warrants a return. Let’s say, in a few months, we come back and do this all over again. Maybe the negativity will have dissipated or moved on, or maybe it’s gotten worse – Keeping tabs on it is the first step to eliminating it.
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Now, it’s your turn. I invite you all of you to do one of two things. (#1) If you are a blogger, give this series a try on your own site. Like I said, it’s extremely liberating and offers you a chance to get that much closer with your readers and the blogging community. Or (#2) if you aren’t a blogger, please continue reading through a couple more of the “Things I’m Afraid To Tell You” posts linked to below (bloggers, you should do the same!). It’s a pretty awesome feeling to read the words of other women you respect and come to find out that they might share the same feelings you do.
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Or, if neither option appeals to you, feel free to share your own thing (or things) you’re afraid to say in the comments section right here. Let it all out!
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1ST WAVE: Carly: A Simple Affair / Cassie: Coco + Kelley / Christine: Court & Hudson / Caitlin: Sacramento Street / Roxy: My Cup of Te / Crystal: Blog / Meg: MIMI+MEG / Ashlina: The Decorista / Katie: Modern Eve / Erin: Apartment 34 / Erica: Design Blahg / Christine: Miles to Style / Franki: Life in a Venti Cup / Sue: The Zhush / Erika: Radiant Republic / Gabrielle: Savvy Home / Monika: The Doctor’s Closet / Naomi: Design Manifest /Tobe: Because It’s Awesome / Becca: {extra}ordinary wonders / Lynzy: Sparkling Footsteps / Hitha: Hitha On The Go / Sarah: Note To Self / Liz: So Much To Smile About / Sarah: Blogstar / Alissa: The Goods Design / Jessie: Style & Pepper / Erika: Small Shop Studio / AV: Long Distance Loving / Maggie: Maggie Rose Blog / Nicole: The City Girl In Me / Priscilla: The Best Laid Plans / Jen: Concrete Jungle DC / Janelle: Food Fashion Fitness / Natalie: East Coast Chic
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2ND WAVE: Design for Mankind | Little Brown Pen | Beautiful Hello | Curating Style | Sweet Fine Day | The Jealous Curator | Happy Days | Sage & Berries | Really Handmade | Peck Life | Satsuma Press | Rena Tom | For the Easily Distracted |The Hemborg Wife | Vitamini Handmade | Courtney Khail Stationery and Design | Meg in Progress | Dando Photography Blog | Widdershins22 | Alison Citron | Pink Moon Daily | Just Pretty Things | From China Village | Tea with Me | The Darling Ewe | Not Your Average Ordinary | The Electric Typewriter | Elleby Design | Parsimonia {Secondhand With Style} | Life as an Artistpreneur | Hello Cupcake | Dellie | The A &B Stories | Pretty Little Things | Feistyelle | Nib & Zed | Well and Cheaply | I Ripple. I Dance. | Whitfield Awesome Blog | Foxtrot Press | Dry As Toast | The List of Now | Apple Blue | For the Love of | Four Flights of Fancy | Miss Modish | Snapshots & Secrets | Dirty Laundry |Bubby & Bean | Penelope’s Press | Little Nostalgia | Vale Design | Pikaland | Fleurishing | Print Pretty | Vespa Tales | Hazel & Agnes | Amanda’s Musings | Mo’ Funk Designs | Ordinary Mommy | Camp 1899 | In Honor of Design | Liberty’s Yarn | Love, Life & Pictures | Stacey Winters | Owl in the Rain | Living Life Creatively | Emma Elizabeth Clease | I Live in Vacouver Now | British Cream Tea | Reverie to Reality
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